The first time I attended the WITS (Women in Travel Summit) conference, I signed up for a FAM trip, a familiarization trip typically offered to travel writers or creators to experience a destination or retreat firsthand. It was a one-day jungle retreat at Casa Alternavida, a beautiful eco-conscious wellness center nestled in the El Yunque rainforest of San Juan, Puerto Rico.
After arriving, we settled into the peaceful forest surroundings and met the other women we’d spend the day with. That evening, we all gathered around a large dinner table to play a game. It wasn’t just any game; it was the “We’re Not Really Strangers” card deck, designed to provoke vulnerability and connection. Each person chose a card and answered a question to share more deeply with the group.
When it was my turn, I pulled the question: “Do people find me intimidating? Why or why not?” I felt a little shy but decided to lean in and go for it. The host turned the question to the group, asking them to answer about me.
To my surprise, two of the ten women said yes.
The rest said no, and I would’ve said the same; I try to be warm, open, and welcoming. But when I asked why, the two who said yes explained that I seemed comfortable in who I was, and that felt intimidating. That my openness and vulnerability showed I had “done the work,” and not everyone was ready to do that or be mirrored in that way.
It hit me. I’ve felt this energy before.
One specific moment stands out. I met a girl while traveling in the Philippines who constantly made self-deprecating remarks about her body. She’d say things like, “Ugh, I feel so fat,” or “My arms look huge today,” and regularly ask people around her for validation. One night, when our group went to dinner, we passed another guest at the restaurant wearing a white, tight dress. To be honest, I wouldn’t have noticed her at all if this girl hadn’t brought her up…repeatedly. She called it a “toilet paper dress” and said, “I could never wear something like that.” When I responded gently that if the girl liked her dress and felt confident, that was all that mattered, she paused. “Yeah… I guess I just don’t know if I could pull that off.”
That moment stuck with me because it wasn’t really about the dress. It was about how someone else’s confidence magnified her insecurities.
Why Insecurity Shows Up in Travel Circles
Traveling strips away our normal environment, routines, and social structures. This can be liberating—but it also leaves us raw. We show up to new cities, meet new people, and constantly redefine ourselves. If you’re not secure in who you are, this constant flux can amplify feelings of inadequacy or comparison.
Psychologically, this makes sense. Research on the default mode network (DMN), a set of brain regions activated during self-referential thought, shows that when our identity feels threatened, the brain kicks into overdrive to protect the ego (1). It compares, assesses, and scans for social threats. That’s why someone living authentically might seem threatening to someone still struggling to own who they are.
The brain naturally wants coherence between its inner narrative and outer reality. When there’s a mismatch, it feels uncomfortable. This is known as cognitive dissonance (2). For example, if someone sees themselves as confident but then feels diminished next to someone else’s presence, their brain will find a way to resolve that tension—often by projecting criticism outward.
When I Was the Insecure One
This dynamic isn’t just about “other people.” I’ve been there too.
When I was launching my Travel Not to Escape podcast, I decided to do research and explore the existing podcasts out there. That’s when I stumbled across a show with a concept eerily similar to mine.
Instantly, I spiraled. I doubted my originality, questioned whether I was enough, and wondered if I should even keep going. That familiar voice in my head whispered, “See? You’re not that unique.”
But with time, I realized this reaction wasn’t about the other podcast…it was about me. My feelings were a mirror of my own unprocessed fear around being seen, heard, and validated. Once I named it, I could begin to let it go.
Common Flags of Insecurity in Travelers
Constant comparison can include subtle one-upping, humblebrags, or devaluing others’ experiences
Example: "Oh, you’ve been to 20 countries? Well, I’ve been to 50. Guess I’m a bit more of a seasoned traveler."Frequent self-deprecation where people may fish for compliments or share preemptive self-criticism to avoid perceived judgment
Example: "I could never wear something like that. I don’t have the confidence to pull it off like you do."Withholding or gatekeeping such as not sharing information or opportunities because of fear of losing status or uniqueness
Example: "I’d love to share this group with you, but I’m not sure if you’re the right fit. Let me check with the others first."Dismissive or judgmental language especially toward confident or expressive people
Example: “She’s just so loud, always talking about her business. It’s really off-putting.”
What to Do If You Feel Triggered by Someone Else’s Confidence
Pause and name the feeling: Is it jealousy? Envy? Fear? Acknowledgment is the first step toward understanding.
Flip the script: What quality do they have that you admire? That might be something you want to embody more.
Own your value: Your voice, story, and presence are inherently valuable. No one can do “you” better than you.
What If You Meet Someone Who Projects Their Insecurity Onto You?
Maintain compassion without shrinking: You don’t need to dim your light to make someone else comfortable.
Set gentle boundaries: If someone’s behavior is draining, it’s okay to disengage or redirect the conversation.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need to stay in situations where your worth is questioned.
Travel Reveals Our Inner Worlds
Travel isn’t just a physical journey. It’s an emotional and psychological one, too. It’s in those fleeting interactions, shared meals, and long bus rides that we come face to face with ourselves—and with others’ unhealed parts.
Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of insecurity, know that it’s a natural part of the human experience. And it’s also an invitation. To look inward, to heal, and to connect more deeply—with ourselves and each other.
Sources
Andrews-Hanna, J. R., Smallwood, J., & Spreng, R. N. (2014). The default network and self-generated thought: component processes, dynamic control, and clinical relevance. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1316(1), 29-52. https://doi.org/10.1111/nyas.12360
Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
